he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
