she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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