found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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