forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
