Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
