Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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