So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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