You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
