I smell stomach acid.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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