u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
