508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
