By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
