he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
