I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
