maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I think my moral compass just broke
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