Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
