awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I can't put those talents on a resume
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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