I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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