I smell stomach acid.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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