im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
