can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
