yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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