Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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