I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
