do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
