I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Screwed.edu
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
