Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
