I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
this is an emotional support booty call
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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