I wish I could teleport
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Alive.
So much puke
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
