Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Is her dick bigger than yours?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
