My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
