So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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