I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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