i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
