U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
