i wish peter jackson would direct porn
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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