i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
