We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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