they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
