i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
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