he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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