I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Vodka?
Forever.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
