when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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