can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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