After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
