Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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