Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
