I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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