Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
