some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
so much tequila, so little girl.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
