The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
