Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
