you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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