you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
